Are You Embarrassed Easily?

(Soft Introduction music)

Announcer: (Eric Idle) Are you embarrassed easily? I am. But it's nothing to worry about, it's all part of growing up and being British. This course is designed to eliminate embarrassment, to enable you to talk freely about rude objects, to look at awkward and embarrassing things and to point at people's privates. The course has been designed by Dr. Carl Gruber of the 'Institute of Going a Bit Red' in Helsinki. Here he himself introduces the course.

Dr Gruber: (Michael Palin) Hello my name is Carl Gruber. Thank you for inviting me into your home. My method is the result of six years work here at the institute in which subjects were exposed to simulated embarrassment predicaments over a prolonged fart, period, time (sound of him farting). Sorry. Lesson one, Words. Do any of these words (farts) embarrass you?

Assistant: (John Cleese) Shoe, megaphone, grunties.

Dr Gruber: Now lets go on to something ruder.

Assistant: Wankle rotary engine.

Dr Gruber: Now lesson two, noises. Noises are a major embarrassment source. Even words like tits, winkle and vibraphone, cannot rival the embarrassment potential of sounds. Listen to this if you can. (sound of a slurping squishy sort). How do you rate your embarrassment response? A) High, B) Hello, C) Good evening. If C, you are loosening up and will soon be ready for this. (strange sound) Well, how did you rate? A) Embarrassed, B) Hello, C) Good evening. Now lesson three, in which these rude and dirty sounds are combined with smutty visual suggestions into an embarrassment simulation situation (sound of a fart). Oh. You are the waiter at this table.

(sound of idle conversation in a restaurant)

Lady: (Carol Cleveland) Charles, I've got something to show you

(sound of idle conversation in a restaurant in the background, and the sound of a zipper being undone, followed by a couple of thuds and the sound of something falling to the floor)

Dr Gruber: Score 5 for no embarrassment, score 3 for slight embarrassment and one for...

Second Announcer: (Graham Chapman) Good evening. 'A Book at Bedtime'. Alan Hutchinson reads another extract from a series of bedside books.

Alan: (John Cleese) Number 32. 'The lady lies with her left leg planted firmly on the ground and the right hand waiting. The gentleman with the melon switches on the battery and places his left thigh on the edge of the swivel table, keeping the neck of...

(fades out as music comes up)